A Growth Mindset

Dear friends,

The rainy season has finally arrived, and the jungle that surrounds us is coming back to life.

Deep hues of Kelly green are returning to the rolling hills and tropical flowers are beginning to sprout from the ground.

Each night it rains…. a lot. The power typically goes out, which comes with its inconveniences but it (almost) always returns by the morning. There’s truly nothing better than drifting to sleep to the pattering rain, the sounds of nature and the cool breeze coming through the bug net.

In the morning, the clouds clear away and the sun returns.

The storms bring me joy knowing that the land is getting fed each day, the land that had been starved for so long. Tourists typically avoid the rainy season when travelling due to the inconveniences that come with the rain, but I love everything about it–this is when the land is most alive.

The trees and the fruits they bear are beginning to flower, caterpillars are emerging from their chrysalis and turning into butterflies and scorpions are coming out from their places in the forest to find shelter from the rain.

Yes you heard that right, scorpions. Now I'd like to say I'm pretty good with bugs, far better then Alex at least. But scorpions, hell no. And when I say scorpions have come out of their hiding places, I mean to say that they’re everywhere. Before I scare you too much, the scorpions that live here will not kill you. But they will leave a sharp sting, and your full body numb for 24 hours, according to the experience Alex had when he was stung by a scorpion hiding under our tent, one rainy morning.

Naturally, being afraid of scorpions has me on alert, constantly thinking of all the many places they could be–my mind gets very creative.

Places I am always checking: on the hand towel for the bathroom before I dry my hands, inside and around ALL toilet seats. Our toilets are composting toilets and after you use the bathroom you cover your business with a scoop of sawdust and cacao husks, so yes I always check inside those big bags of sawdust before I dig my hand in to grab a scoop.

Inside of toilet paper rolls because there was a cockroach in one the other day.

Near the latches of doors and underneath chairs or benches. And always, I mean always shake out your clothing after you grab it from the clothesline.

I have yet to be stung, but I almost sat on one the other day, so I think my time is coming. And when it does I will take it as my right of passage for living in the jungle.

We’ve now been here two months and have settled deeply into our surroundings. We are constantly breathing in fresh air and I think there's a tangible, but unidentifiable difference that comes from living outdoors.

Even just getting from place to place requires that you pay attention to the space you are in. Being alert to scorpions is one thing, but we are also located on the side of a mountain so as you maneuver from building to tent, to bathroom you are traversing rocky and changing terrain, challenging on a normal day, let alone in the beating rain.

Our everyday routine is mostly the same here. I've actually been incredibly proud of myself for waking up so early on a daily basis. It’s always been a far-fetched goal of mine to be up by 6:00 am each day. Most of my life that goal felt incredibly distant as I struggled so damn hard to get out of bed each morning.

It might help that the sun rises early here and a tent isn’t as comfortable as a pillowy bed. Nonetheless I think It serves as a gentle reminder to not give up on those lofty goals we set for ourselves even if the progress isn’t happening at the pace we wish it would.

It might also have something to do with the fact that for the first time in my life I've started drinking coffee…yeah that probably has something to do with it.

So our mornings look the same, but I have added the joy of a cup of coffee to my morning routine. Our days have begun to shift as we were asked to take over their café/kitchen.

This is the kitchen we're working from

We decided instead of taking it over completely because we’ll be leaving here shortly, we would help revamp it, breathe life back into it and create a system that will be more functional for future volunteers. At the moment the kitchen is mostly used to feed volunteers, but it is also used to feed guests when we have them. When we do have guests staying it’s important that the system is running smoothly to ensure they have a good experience.

Alex and I have been creating documents, tables and resources that we can pass down to the next person who fills the role as kitchen manager.

As kitchen manager I am responsible for making lunches for the volunteers Monday-Friday, preparing grocery lists, prepping snacks and pantry items, and keeping the space tidy.

A huge part of the work we are doing has been on increasing the nutrition of the food we are serving. In Lanquin, we have access to tons of fresh produce, but the variety is limited. We are also in an environment where we are constantly exposed to bad bacteria from contaminated water. We drink filtered water and have eco-filters to filter the rain water. But we use unsanitary water to wash dishes that can get in our food if we aren’t careful.

A couple of weeks ago Alex got very sick from the water and had a high level bacterial infection. We were able to access very affordable antibiotics that luckily had him back to normal in no time. While the medicine works fast to knock out bad bacteria, it also knocks out good bacteria.

That good bacteria is not only a huge part of a healthy gut biome but also very difficult to acquire without access to fermented foods.

At the time I was also feeling pretty unwell. My stomach was responding negatively to most things I was eating and I instinctively knew that my gut biome was out of balance.

Desperate for answers to help us get back to normal we felt determined to find new ways to improve our health, and feed our starved gut biome. I’ve made a lot of bread in my life, but I've never done the whole sourdough thing. When it blew up during Covid, I had absolutely no interest in jumping on the bandwagon.

However, after much research on what a healthy gut biome needs it became very clear that sourdough could be our answer and after much insisting from Alex, I gave in and decided to start growing my own sourdough starter. It would be a challenging climate for such a thing, because it is so damn hot and humid here, but I felt excited to learn something new.

The first batch epically failed, but I continued to research. Google is completely oversaturated with everyone and their dog explaining how to make “the best sourdough ever.” I continued to read and parse through blog after blog, and after copious amounts of reading I came to the conclusion that everything about sourdough, like knowing our gut biome is off– is instinctual.

Feed the starter when it looks hungry they say, which I know does in fact sound crazy, but totally and entirely makes sense. Discard the starter when there’s too much, put it in the fridge if it’s too active, and pay attention to the consistency–we're going for a thick pancake batter. Most importantly, use it, use it, use it. The more I've been using the starter the more it’s grown, the more the flavour has developed, and without sounding too dramatic, the more sourdough has changed my life.

Look at the improvement from the first image!

Sourdough has taught me lots about feeling better in our bodies, but has also reconnected me to the joy that comes from the process of creation. Being in the kitchen everyday gives you the opportunity to constantly be creating, which as a result leads me to constantly be failing.

Alex and I love food, and get very excited about all the cool things we can make, and therefore more importantly consume. But some days that curiosity doesn’t actually lead to success. And while some days the recipes really turn out, some days they really don't.

And while the successful days fill me with joy, the not successful days have led me down a path at times difficult to navigate. That path has taken me directly to the face of failure.

Most of our lives we are taught to strive for success, and that not performing well is a marker of failure.

We pass or we fail.

These ideas condition us to have a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset believes that talent and intelligence are fixed. When we are thinking from this lens we tend to avoid challenges to prevent the possibility of failure.

However, failure has a lot to teach us. Failure teaches us that on the other side of the mistakes we make is an opportunity to learn and it is an opportunity for growth.

A growth mindset believes that intelligence and talent can be improved. When we are thinking from this lens we view failures as temporary setbacks and continue to persist in the achievement of our goals.

Because we are being asked to cook so frequently and because we care so deeply that the food we make turns out good it has led to some challenging moments where it feels like the only thing we can do is accept failure and ultimately challenge that fixed mindset perspective.

When I take a step back and look beneath the surface of my mistakes I begin to see the small but continuous tweaks that I can make the next time I cook that same dish.

This refreshing perspective has allowed me to view cooking as a craft, as a practice to utilize alongside a mindset of constant improvement.

Cooking is actually a great way to work on skill building, because it is very easy to see improvements and because personally, I can’t think of a better way to deal with my failures than getting to eat them.